Harder Than it Looks
by gsrshipper9
Summary: It is definitely harder than it looks to get pregnant. Especially for Sara and Grissom. When they can’t conceive what do they do? And could someone make it worse? Or can they only make it better? GSR!


Harder than it looks

Summary: It is definitely harder than it looks to get pregnant. Especially for the Sara and Grissom. When they can't conceive what do they do? And could someone make it worse? Or can they only make it better? GSR!

A/N: This is not a character study. This fic is pregnancy sensitive.  
I did my research but this has never happened to me, since I'm only fifteen, I can't say all of my data is correct in this fic. So if anything is wrong then I am sorry.This is a drabble  
so don't expect a sequel.Rated because of subject matter, not because of scenes.

I Own Nothing!

Sara sat crying on the cold, bathroom floor. She had been sitting there for half an hour, crying her eyes out when she finally heard the front door open. "Sara?!" Her husband called from the entry way. She heard him climb up the stairs and enter the bedroom. "Sara?" Gil called again. He heard her muffled cries and walked into the bathroom.

He crouched in front of his wife and placed a hand on either side of her face. "What's wrong?" She tore her face away from his loving embrace and cried harder. He sat down next to her, leaning his back against the wall, and pulled her into a hug. She buried her head in his neck and continued to cry.

After fifteen minutes Gil pulled her head up and looked in her eyes. "Sara?" He let her name fall from his lips in an almost whisper.

"I'm sorry, Gil." Gil sat confused, trying to make sense of what she was saying.

Giving up the search for the answer in his mind he asked, "What are you sorry for?"

"I got my period today." She looked at the ground, more tears falling from her cheeks and onto the ground between them. "I came home after shift, to get ready, and when I went to the bathroom I… I found out I got it. I'm sorry."

Gil lifted her chin so he could lock eyes with her. "Sara, it wasn't your fault. You shouldn't be sorry for any of this." He leaned in and kissed her cheek making sure she got his point. "Sara, say something." She kept her eyes locked with his as more tears came out. "Sara, next month we'll try again. It's not like this hasn't happened before." He held her hand reassuring her that everything will be alright.

"Exactly. We have been trying to conceive for ten months and every month it has been the same thing." She stood and walked out of the bathroom and out of the bedroom. Gil stood and followed her out. He found her sitting in the guestroom, which was slowly turning into a nursery for their little Grissom. She was sitting on the bed holding a little, yellow baby jumpsuit that they got from Gil's mother as a wedding present. He didn't even get one foot in the room before she started to speak. "Do you ever think that, if I haven't gotten pregnant yet, that maybe, I'm not supposed to get pregnant?"

Gil sat down next to Sara and put his hand on hers, which still held the tiny outfit. "Do you just want to get pregnant because that's what my mother expects from us? If you don't want a baby, than I am sure she will understand if she didn't have grandchildren."

"No, I really want a baby, Gil." She stroked the yellow cloth in her hands. "I never thought I would ever want kids, but when we got together and we started talking about a family, I realized I want a family with you, Gil." She looked up at Gil and continued. "When I was taken, and I was stuck under that car…" she took a breath, as this was still a touchy subject with them, "I was thinking about how I might never get to have a real family, never get to have a baby with you…then when you proposed to me in the hospital room, I knew that I not only wanted, but needed a family with you, Gil." New tears found their way to her eyes and began to spill over the top of them. "I forgot about having a family when we were planning the wedding because of all the things we had to focus on, until we got the package from your mom. When we got back from our honeymoon and opened it, I remembered, not just about the baby, but how I forgot the baby. It wasn't even in me yet and I felt like I failed it." She was speaking from the heart, not the brain. It seemed as though her brain shut off but her mouth kept running. "I felt like I already had a child, but I didn't." She hugged Gil and continued to talk into his ear. "I feel like I'm missing something, Gil. I don't understand it, maybe it's like a mother's intuition or something, I don't know."

Gil pulled away enough so he could see her eyes. "Sara, we'll keep trying-"

"What if it's me, Gil?" she cut him off. "What if I'm infertile? How can I fill the void then?" Gil rubbed her arms up and down before taking her hands in his. "Why can't I just get pregnant?"

"Sara, no one ever gets pregnant right away. Everyone struggles with it. Sure there are those people who get pregnant right off the bat, but we aren't one of those people. We will keep trying, ok. We can go back to the doctor and get tested again if it will make you feel better. Don't worry, Sara, this is going to happen. It could be next month or it could be next year."

Sara smiled and wiped away her tears. "Thank you, Gil. You always know what to say."

He smiled back, "I'm here for you, Sara. That's what I agreed to when we got married, we will always be here for each other I our time of needs." She kissed him passionately and he backed off. "Let's schedule an appointment with our doctor and we will get everything situated, ok?"

Gil stood and held his hands out to help Sara up and she took his help and stood up and hugged him. "Ok,"

Gil and Sara walked into the kitchen and called the doctor together. Gil was the one who spoke and Sara sat next to him. He put it on speaker phone once he got through.

"Ok, thank you." Gil said. "When is your next available appointment?"

After some papers ruffled into the phone she spoke, "a week from tomorrow, it's kinda late but I can fit you in at eight."

Gil and Sara looked at each other. "We're both on call that night, when is the next available time?"

After more rustling she answered, "Not for another," more rustling, "Six weeks." I'm booked since I'm going on vacation a week after that.

Sara looked disappointed and walked over to the fridge. She took out a piece of Gil's homemade chocolate cake and went and sat back down on the bar stool. Gil looked at his wife and told their doctor, "We'll take the one next week." Sara's head shot up and they smiled at each other.

"Ok, good. I'll see you then. Bye."

"Bye," Gil said with a huge smile on his face. He hung up the phone and Sara wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Gil, you didn't need to do that for me."

"I didn't," He pulled away to look at her, "I did it for us." Sara smiled and tugged on his hand to stand.

"Come on, I'm tired, let's go to sleep."

"I'll meet you up there. I have to call everyone to see if we can switch shifts next week." He gave her a kiss and she left upstairs. He picked up the phone and hoped everyone would understand without to many questions.

After an hour of embarrassingly explaining to his _whole_ team that he and his wife couldn't conceive and had to see a doctor about it, he got the team agree to switch times all next week. He walked upstairs and stripped into his boxers on his way. Noticing Sara wasn't in the bedroom he went in search of her. He found her exactly where he thought she would be. He climbed into the guest bed with her and she turned to face him.

"Hey." She smiled.

"I didn't mean to wake you." He kissed her cheek.

"I was awake." She yawned and asked, "What did they say?"

"Don't worry, I worked it all out, they agreed to it." He said with a sigh.

Sara laughed, "It would have been funny to see your face when you had to tell them _why_ we needed to switch nights."

"I think I did very well." He laughed.

"What did Ecklie say?"

"Well, we will just have to find out next week, wont we?"

This made her laugh more, "Why didn't you call him?"

"I figured it could wait until next week. I would rather spend tonight in bed with my beautiful wife than with Ecklie in his office." Sara laughed and yawned at the same time which made Gil laugh at the noise she made. "I love you."

"I love you, too." She cuddled into his side and they fell asleep.

**GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR**

Sara and Gil followed the nurse into the private room. They both sat down on the chairs presented to them. After they gave the nurse their normal information they waited in silence for their doctor. After ten minutes the door opened and in came their doctor. "Hello, Grissom's" she said happily.

"Hello, Dr. Greenfield." They both greeted.

She picked up their chart and read what the nurse wrote down. "I see you two are having trouble getting pregnant."

"Yes," Sara said while holding Gil's hand.

"You have been trying for…ten months?" she asked while reading the folder.

"Yes," She answered again.

"And you first came to see me after…five months of no conception?"

"That's correct." She answered with a sigh.

"Well, this is totally normal. It's not uncommon for people your age to take up to 12 months to conceive, so don't worry." She rolled her chair in front of them before speaking again. "Ok, well I will take some test from both of you and I will give you some papers to help you with conception at home." She rolled over to the cupboards and pulled out several papers. "Ok, I'm sure you have heard of some of these but some of these might be knew." She handed them the papers. "Read through these while I go and get everything ready for your tests." She smiled at them before leaving them alone.

They both looked at the papers together and read the first paper.

"Contrary to some people's assumptions, only a minority of couples conceive the first time they try to get pregnant. It can take 10-12 months for women in their late 30s."

They skipped ahead a little and began reading again. "Couples who want to maximize their chances of conception can take a few steps to make every attempt count. This becomes especially important for couples who are often separated by travel or work and have limited opportunity for sex, couples in which the woman is over 30, and couples who have a particular need to conceive very soon."

Sara sighed out loan and Gil looked at her. "All of these account to us Gil, how are we ever going to conceive?"

"It'll be fine, Sara."

They continued to read about basal thermometers, which they were using, and how to predict when ovulating. They skipped ahead a little more when they came to the part about stress. They realized that there was a lot of stress around the house and at work and on top of that there was the stress of trying to have a baby. This was a possibility.

Dr. Greenfield reentered the room ad took a seat in front of them. "I hope you had enough time to skim over the papers." They nodded. "Ok, well, let's get started." She showed them a new piece of paper. "Since we already gave you the normal test's only five months ago, we will start with some other test." She pointed to part of the paper. "Here are the tests I would like to do today. They are simple and easy and shouldn't take long. I would like to start with you, Sara." After explaining the procedures they had Gil wait in the waiting room so they could have some privacy.

After her tests were done, Gil was called into the room and his own tests where administered. When Dr. Greenfield said he could call Sara back in he decided that now was a good time to ask questions. "Dr. Greenfield?"

"Yes, Gil?" he had asked her to call him that the first day they saw her.

"When we read over the papers you gave us, something's came up that I wanted to ask about."

"Go ahead." She sat in front of him and physically told him she was ready.

"There was that stuff about how it was hard when you never had to have sex because of your work life.'

"Yes, I recall that."

"Well, we haven't really had time but we still got around to doing it three to four time's a week, but sometimes they were rushed because we were tired or because we didn't want to be interrupted. Could that be a reason why we haven't gotten pregnant yet?"

"Yes, that could be a factor. Being stressed into having to do it fast or having no time to relax or create a mood could be a big factor."

"Also, I'm fifty six and she is forty, I'm worried that could mean that either of us is infertile."

"You see, everyone, in some time, will turn infertile, but everyone does so at their own time."

"And I wanted to ask about some emotional things."

"Which would be…" she prompted.

"Well, Sara has been really upset and frustrated lately about not being pregnant. And she has started to feel guilty about it."

"Well, I have seen this in a lot of couples. Are you pressuring her into getting pregnant?"

"No, she was the one who brought up the subject. I feel like she is pressuring herself and because of it she could be hurting herself emotionally."

"This is common for women in her state, so don't worry. If this continues and after a couple more months of misconception then I would have to say to stop. I don't want her to hurt herself emotionally over this issue."

"Ok, thank you." He got up to retrieve Sara.

"Now wait just a minute." He sat back down. "What about yourself? How has this been affecting you?"

"Well, I guess in the same way, but most of all I hate to see Sara like this."

"I understand, women have a mother's intuition even when there is nothing there. Men don't always have connections like that until something is there. You are worried about your wife and that's understandable."

"It's not that I don't care about the baby, or lack there of, I just don't…I don't feel as obliged as she does. I want this baby so much I would give anything to see it happen."

"That is why you are here with me. You can go get Sara."

Gil left and brought Sara back. After the doctor talked to them a bit more she sent them on their way with plenty of hope for their conception.

**GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR**

One week later their doctor called them. Gil answered the phone and put it on speaker. "Hello, you two. How are you?"

"Fine, you?" Gil answered.

"Fine. I have your test results with me."

"And?" he asked.

"There is good and bad news." There was silence on the other end so she continued. "Well, Mr. Grissom-"

"Gil." He corrected.

"Gil, you see, your test results came back and it shows that you have a sperm count of zero. This is a form of infertility called azoospermia."

"So it's my fault my wife isn't pregnant?" He spit back.

"Well, I guess." She answered quietly.

"What's the good news?" Sara asked rubbing Gil's back as his eyes teared silently. His hand went to cover his face and Sara continued to sooth him.

"You see this type of azoospermia, known as nonobstructive azoospermia, which is a lack of sperm production by the testicles, and it is treatable. It is harder to treat than obstructive azoospermia but it is possible. We will need him to schedule a date to fix this. The sooner the better. He will be scheduled for ICSI. If you would like to continue with this, that is."

"Yes, of course, anything to help." Gil answered for himself.

"Ok, well, here are the possible dates…"

After they scheduled the date, all they had to do was wait. He was scheduled for his appointment for one week from today.

**GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR**

Sara picked Gil up with instructions to wait at least a week until becoming sexually active.

After that week they stayed up almost every night together for a month in hopes to conceive a baby. When her period came again for the second time since they saw Dr. Greenfield Sara could barley handle herself. She didn't know what to do. Gil could feel himself losing it slowly, too. He blamed himself every time the pregnancy test came up negative.

After two months they were losing it and they didn't think it could get worse. But then the doorbell rang and Gil got up out of bed to see who it was. He threw on some clothes before going downstairs. "Hello?" He asked through the door. No answer. He looked through the peep hole. 'No,' he thought to himself, 'It can't be.' He opened the door, and it was. _"Hi mom." _He signed.

"_Gilbert, get over here and help me with my bags."_ She signed back. He walked over and kissed her.

He took her things from the entry way into the house. _"What are you doing here? I thought you were on vacation."_

_"I am. Can't a mother visit her son?"_ she joked.

_"Please have a seat, I'll put your things in the guestroom."_ He put everything in the room and returned to his mother.

_"Where is my daughter-in-law?"_

_"She is still sleeping, we had a long night." _He regretted saying that last part.

_"How are my grandchildren coming?"_

Gil's eyes widened. _"Mom, promise me you will not bring up anything baby related while you are around Sara."_

_"Why?"_

_"We are having trouble with getting pregnant and it's a very touchy subject with her."_

_"Ok, I won't say anything."_

"Gil?" Sara padded down the steps in her robe. "What's going on?"

"Sara." Gil walked over to her. "Um, well, my mother is going to be visiting us for awhile."

"Gil! Why didn't you tell me earlier?!"  
"Because I didn't know until she showed up an hour ago."

"Oh. I'll be right down after I get a shower." She gave him a small kiss.

"Ok."

_"Well, mother. Sara will be down shortly, so shall I show you your room?"_ she nodded and he led her upstairs. Once inside Gil showed her where he put her stuff and they sat on the bed together talking.

Sara entered the room. _"Mom, I think I will go start lunch. You and Sara talk."_

He left them to chat. Sara sat down and the first thing Marian said was the first thing Sara wanted to hear. _"I see you're making this into a nursery, when are you going to put a baby in it?"_

_"That is none of your information."_ Was all Sara could sign before running out of the room and into the bedroom, effectively slamming the door behind her.

"Sara?!" Gil called. He put down the egg carton and made his way upstairs. He saw his mom alone looking at the wallpaper that they yet to put up and was collecting dust in the closet. He found Sara in the bedroom crying o the bed. "Sara?"

"What?" she asked harshly.

"What happened?" He sat down next to her.

"Do you know what she said to me, Gil?!" she yelled as loud as she could. "She was pestering me about grandchildren before I even said hello!"

"Sara-"

"No, Gil! You can't just make me forget that!"

"Please, maybe you misunderstood her."

"Gil, I'm fluent in sign language! I did not misunderstand her!"

"Let's go talk to her."

"No!"

"Sara, she is my mother. You can' ignore her forever."

"Watch me."

"Sara, if not for you, than do it for me."

Gil stood brining Sara with him and walked into the guestroom. He turned his mom around. _"What did I tell you? Apologize." _He would have screamed at her if she wasn't deaf.

_"Sara, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to just say that. I'm sorry."_

_"Sure."_

"Sara." Gil looked at her sternly.

_"It's ok."_

_"Let's go eat, shall we. Breakfast is almost done." _They all walked down stairs and sat down. Gil served breakfast. It was a simple eggs and fruit.

Half way through breakfast, or lunch, they didn't know what time normal people ate, Marian had to start again. _"If you two can't make a baby, why don't you adopt? Or be artificially inseminated?" _

Sara dropped her fork. She slowly got up and said, "Gil, come with me."

"_Excuse us."_ Gil excused them politely.

"Adoption, Grissom!" He flinched at the use of his last name. "What is she thinking?!" She paced the room and he sat down on the bed. "I thought you talked to her about the artificially insemination? I told you I don't believe in 'fake' insemination!" She walked up and faced Gil. "What is wrong with your mother?!" She fell into Gil's arms and cried onto his shoulder. "What's wrong with me? Why can't we finally have a baby? That's all I want." She sobbed.

Marian appeared in the door way and all Gil did was glare at his mother and she left the room. "Sara, nothing is wrong with you." She continued to cry into his chest when he thought of his conversation with the doctor he had. "Sara, I need to talk to you." She sniffled and lifted her head up. "This baby thing is really getting to you, and me, too. I talked to Dr. Greenfield about this and she told me what I should probably do if it came to this." Gil wiped a tear away from her face then she wiped one from his cheek.

"Gil?"

"Sara, I think Dr. Greenfield was right, this has become more than physically wanting a baby. This has become too deep and we are over reacting." He wiped a tear from his cheek before continuing. "I think we should give this whole baby thing a rest for a couple months. I want a baby so much, and I know you do too, but this has become too much. _Thirteen months_ of trying and nothing to show for it but doctor bills. I'm sorry, Sara."

"Gil…" she started to cry again.

"I think it would be for the best. We should stop all this constant fuss and give us a break for three or four months. Let it cool off."

"Ya."

"Ya? You agree with me?"

"Ya, I do. I'm tired of this, Gil."

"I have to go talk to my mom, I'll be right back. And don't worry I'm not going to tell her anything about what we just discussed." She nodded and he left. He found his mom in the guestroom packing.

She looked at her son standing in the doorway. _"I should go. I've caused you two enough trouble."_

"_I think that's a good idea."_ That wasn't what she expected him to say. _"You don't have to leave Vegas, you know. You could stay at a hotel and we could do lunch sometime."_

"_I would like that. I would like it very much if Sara would come."_

"_I can't promise you anything, but I hope she will join us, too." _They smiled at each other. _"Let me get your bags."_ He grabbed her bags and brought them downstairs and called a cab for his mom. He gave the driver the name of the hotel she would be staying at and turned to his mom. _"I love you, mom."_

She smiled at her son. _"I love you, too. Make sure to tell Sara I love her, too. And goodbye."_ They smiled again and she got in the cab.

He found Sara asleep in bed with dry tears still staining her cheeks. He stripped to his boxers and climbed into bed.

**GSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSRGSR**

Three months later Gil came home from work. Things had been much more stress free since their decision and they were both finally relaxing. Gil walked into the house and didn't see Sara. "Sara?!" He went upstairs and called again, "Sara?!" He walked into the bathroom and saw her sitting on the ground, crying. "Sara, you're not supposed to worry about that, remember?" He reminded her when he saw the empty pregnancy test box on the floor next to her. He squatted in front of her. "You can't expect to get pregnant just because all the stress stopped." He wiped a tear away from her face. "Don't be sad, I hate to see you cry."

"Gil, I'm not sad." He looked at her confused. "I'm crying because I'm happy." She smiled. "I'm pregnant!" She screamed at the top of her lungs.

Gil dropped to the floor on his ass. "What?" he asked not registering what she said.

"It's positive, the strip is blue!" She handed him the pregnancy test and he looked at it still not contemplating it clearly. "We're gonna have a baby!" She screamed jumping forward for a hug and took him down with her force.

"You're pregnant?" Gil asked, tears streaming down his face.

"YES!" They lay on the bathroom floor crying tears of joy for hours until they fell asleep in each others arms.

Finally they had their miracle. They finally had a baby.

A/N: Now wouldn't I be evil if I made them have a miscarriage?! Mwuah ha ha! (Evil laugh) but I would never do that. Hope you liked it, I realize it was kinda boring at the doctors but I felt the story needed it. Tell me what you think and send me one of those pretty, little reviews!

Please! I want some feed back! Whether it is good or bad!


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